I Guess It's English As A Second Language. Thank God It Prevents Myopia.

It's Friday, so I must share...

This Prevent Myopia Screen Guard Protector Film can protect your eyes. [Need I say more?] 

I bought a lovely new Lenovo IdeaPad Yoga. 

Okay for all you Mac folks, yes I use a pc, and yes I bought a Windows 8 machine, which is working quite well thank you.  (It takes a little time to get used to it)

By the way, being someone who loves ink on paper and the art of packaging design, I was impressed with the elegant box it came in. What can I say? I'm a designer at heart. 

So I bought a Lenovo case through Amazon the other day, and they sent me an email this morning recommending a screen guard.

These are the features - and you can read it for yourself here.

Features:

1. Great protection for your laptop and notebook LCD screen

2. Durable, washable, reusable with no residue during removal

3. As same inch, long and wide is different

4. That we will take our dimension for standard

5. This Prevent Myopia Screen Guard Protector Film can protect your eyes

6. With high anti-static performance, this Screen Guard Protector Film can remove glare, improve contrast

7. It is very safe to use and has no adverse affect whatsoever on your equipment

8. This will protect your screen from scratching and normal use damage

Happy Friday!  

The Drama of Creative Agencies or Something Like That

Okay, once in a while you just have to call someone out on their B.S.

Here you go.

So I’m a fan of Ad Contrarian, and checked the comments on his post about a particular agency’s landing page, and one comment had a link to Agency Wank.

Agency Wank takes screen shots of statements agencies make about themselves, posts them on his site, and then folks post notes (comments).

Well, one agency that was captured got very, very angry and invited the Wank over for a drink and a laugh, and – let me quote here; “Afterwards, I personally will kick the living s**t out of you. It’ll be a hoot!”

Nice.

As a result, it looks like the Wank has taken a break – but the site lives on…

Well my take on it is this: First, if agencies wrote anything as pedestrian as what they actually do on their sites – without jargon – it just wouldn’t be…interesting. They bury the fact that they’re asking a simple question:  Use us because we do everything better than the other guy.

Second, anyone in an agency taking a comment seriously from a Tumblr site called Agency Wank, and inviting that person over for consumption of alcohol and a good shellacking is…a waste of time.

Unless…

I think these two guys – I’m sure they are guys – could parlay this into some really good…promotion.

Forget Cannes. Instead we can have some sort of Agency Smackdown or Cagefight to ordain the best Agency Statement of Purpose Ever. The battle of obfuscation.

Awesome.                                                                                                                                

The stage will be set in an historic building with plenty of exposed brick, hip retro furniture, microbrews, and an open concept office so everyone can contribute - and collaborate on the win.

The reality of it all is that once you put it out there for the world to read, everyone has an opinion. Using tons of jargon is just asking for it.

So I just have to ask: There’s actually an ad guy without a thick skin?

Didn’t know they existed.

LinkedIn Profile Buzzwords

The 10 Most Overused Words in LinkedIn Profiles was published recently.

When I saw the list, I thought I had used them all. But alas, I only used one out of ten. So I re-read my profile and it seemed…I don’t know, stuffy, corporate. Maybe I need to re-write it.

The problem here is that we have a generally accepted lexicon that explains what we do, to others who are in our line of business. So what do we do to differentiate ourselves? Well the author tells us we should list our accomplishments.  However that can bloat a profile from buzzwords into a full-blown resume – long version. No one wants to (or will) pore over my accomplishments…whatever. So we use those handy words that everyone uses and we all sound the same – sort of.

So in an effort to remove buzzwords/jargon/corporate-speak – and not fire-up the thesaurus – I decided to rewrite my bio in the most basic un-buzzed-worded-way I could. And without writing the story of my life.

Here goes:

I have been in advertising and marketing for 35 years
I know how to spot things that are going wrong and tell people how to fix them
I know how to keep people from killing each other at work
I know how to budget, schedule, defend quality, and make people do their jobs
I also know how to draw and design
I know how to use software
I have worked for large and small companies
I am worth the money you will pay me

Now tell me, would a client, human resources professional, or hiring manager even consider hiring me? I think we're stuck with buzzwords.